The Relationship Code is a guide to the four-step Harmonic Matching Process, which shows how you can learn to create a life in which you take control of your destiny.  There are four steps to attracting positive re­lationships and opportunities at work and at home. Here is an excerpt from the book “The Relationship Code: Engage and Empower People with Purpose and Passion,” by Margaret McCraw, MBA, LCSW-C, BCC

The Four Steps: An Overview of the Harmonic Matching Process

STEP ONE – Create Feel-Good Moments

Energize your emotional resources by focusing your feelings on positive states. Collect and cherish feel-good memories, dreams, and fantasies to elevate your emotions. In step one, you learn how to transform negative emotions into their opposite positive emotions. As your emotional state becomes more positive, your self-esteem increases and you learn to create positive relationships and new feel-good moments. These help you attract and inspire all of your relationships in both your personal and professional lives

STEP TWO – Identify Your Desires

Clarify your desire in thought and define relationship goals by creating wish lists for different types of relationships. Most of what we want in life comes through relationships with other people. This step is about getting a clear idea of what you want in your personal and work relationships. When your goals are well-defined, you are guided to communicate them effectively through clear agreements. This step also emphasizes the importance of set­ting the intention that your goals be fulfilled for the highest good for all concerned

STEP THREE – Activate Your Intentions

Elevate your beliefs and create believable goals. You learn to build your staircase to map out how you will achieve your desires and your bigger vision. It is not enough to simply speak an affirmation or make a wish. This step shows how important it is to blend and align your thoughts, feelings, and beliefs to activate your intentions. When your intentions are activated, they become harmonically resonant with what you want. You learn how to overcome in­hibitors and habitual coping mechanisms and the importance of transcending scarcity consciousness.

STEP FOUR – Release the Outcome

Releasing the outcome means letting go of fear, judgment and, feelings of inadequacy. Live in the present. Get on with your life and know that your desires will show up at the perfect time and in the perfect way.

Feel Good About Yourself

Years ago, I was commuting to work and thinking about how unappre­ciated I felt by the individuals in the organization. Knowing that by giving attention to this situation I was setting myself up to attract other people in my life who did not appreciate me, I deliberately changed my mind and chose to focus on all the times that others demonstrated appreciation for the extra things I did for them. Several hours later, when I arrived at my destination, I was greeted by the CEO, who made a point of telling me how much she appreciated the extra effort I had provided on a specific project. A few minutes later, one of my employees stopped me in the hall and expressed gratitude for the mentoring I had offered him. Taking the time to focus on what I desired rather than what was irritating to me created a feel-good moment, which inspired me to go the extra mile for my employer.

The more you radiate positive thoughts and feelings, the more you attract those energies into your life. When you are sending out negative thoughts, it is very difficult to attract the relationships you really desire. The easiest way to let old nega­tive emotions drift away from you is to fill your thoughts and feelings with positive emotions that push them out.

What do you love? Think about that. Just enjoy allowing yourself to feel the pleasure of thinking about what you love.

Select three activities that you enjoy; whatever makes you feel good.

What are you good at? It doesn’t matter what you choose; whatever you feel competent doing. Think about doing those things. Notice how your mood is getting brighter? Choose one activity or memory and focus on how you felt at the moment it was happening. Allow yourself to enjoy the glow. Breathe deep and relax into the feeling.

It is your mind. You can intentionally use it to lift your mood and elevate your self-esteem. You can do this anytime, anywhere. When you set the positive intention to feel good about yourself, you are doing one of the most valuable things you can do for yourself…and for everyone around you as well. Good feelings attract good feelings. Don’t be surprised if peo­ple smile at you on the street after you have been exploring positive memories and feelings. It’s natural. What an amazing discovery this is, that you can choose to direct your mind toward positive experiences that create posi­tive emotions, and that this attracts positive relationships and opportunities into your life. For example, on your way to work, you might focus on a memory of a day when you achieved a notable success, and how good you felt about it. When you get to your workplace, your whole being will radiate positive energy that will attract a positive response from your boss and coworkers, resulting in a more productive day